When youtube blew up I’m pretty sure everybody was as obsessed with it as I was. lol. There were so many people on there sharing their lives, memories, opinions, and much more, that I thought “I wanna do that”. My problem was that I didn’t have a video camera. In life, until you start working, you really can’t have all of the things that you want which is maybe the reason i can live without a lot of things. Haha. So, that’s why I was never really active in the whole youtube except for, of course, watching videos. One day my mom and I were sitting on the couch watching QVC or HSN and this HD handycam was on sale and I wanted it. Surprisingly, my mom said she’d get it for me and when it got to me, i was so excited I think i made a video that same day. I had made a couple videos over time but few made it on my youtube channel. I know that I’m a very fun person to be around but in front of a camera I feel this pressure to be funny and entertaining and that’s why I tremble in the corner when i think about vlogging.
Lately, I’ve been having this itch to vlog. I’ve been starting off slow using snapchat, lol, but I’d like to post things up, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be on youtube, my wordpress would be an excellent platform, but again I just have this fear of…Uh…i don’t even know the words for what i’m so scared of. Or, maybe i don’t want to admit that it’s a fear of people seeing MEEE. Don’t understand what I’m saying? Let me try to explain.
I can be so ridiculously silly when i want to be. But it’s not easy for me to show that to everyone because sometimes i feel that my sillyness is borderline just crazy or weird. I know crazy and weird is not bad. Actually, I know it’s amazing! lol. But I don’t want to be misunderstood? I guess, thats what it is? LOL. I am one CONFUSED duckling. I’m also scared of maybe letting people see a vulnerable me, which will unavoidably happen if i get super comfortable with talking to the camera lol. I guess when it comes to people I know, I just want them to always see me in this neutral image. Not sad but not hyper, not boring but not strange, just always somewhere in the middle. And because of that I think people dooo see me as a bit of a bore. But Meh.
Anyway, right now i’m just in the process of trying to buy a small little camera, something like the flip cams that were popular back in the day, something super affordable. Once again I am not working, I’m a full-time student so buying a 200 dollar camera is NOT on my budget. And when I find one i’ll slowly ease into vlogging for a bit everyday. What i’m hoping to get out of vlogging is, maybe with the pressure of doing something that people would like to watch, i’ll get out of the house more. I’ve turned into such a homebody like its nobody’s business! lol. I want to sort of break FREE, make new friends from far away places ❤
Talk to you all LATERS,